I wanted to write this post as soon as my husband and I found out the gender. But when I started writing, I couldn’t seem to put in the right words. I was having these thoughts and putting in these sentences.
“I’m so scared!!!”
“Oh no!”
“What am I gonna do now?”
“A girl?!?!?”
It just wasn’t right. So I put it off a little until I figured out what I really feel knowing that we’re going to have a baby girl.
Now, I think I’m ready. To be honest (and I hope that someday, when Light reads this entry, she’ll know 100% that we loved and wanted her even then) my reaction when the doctor said, “it’s a girl”, was not the happiest reaction. It was mixed emotions actually.
I’ve had the gut-feel that it’s a girl, and a lot of people were saying that I’m probably carrying a girl. But I never really accepted the idea, nor did I rejoice in the thought of a baby girl. I think I was scared. I was definitely scared because I didn’t know how to be a mom to a girl. I figured that with a boy, he’s going to have his dad to be his friend and playmate, and I can be the “nourishing” mom. I felt like having a girl I’d also have to be the “nurturing” mom, her friend, too, and I just didn’t know if I can be both a parent and a friend to her. And it scares me that we’re going to grow with an invisible line between us.
But then, I’m a first time mom. I don’t know how to be a mom period. I was never the one with mother-like qualities. Being with babies and kids were kind of awkward for me. Whether we have a girl or a boy, being a mother would be something I’ll learn and grow together with my baby.
Right after our ultrasound, my husband and I went and bought a cute little pink onesie for her. Seeing all those cute dresses helped actually. It reminded me of how wonderful having a baby girl is to a mother. Just imagine the clothes I can dress her in??? There’s just so many cute clothes for a baby girl! I’m going to have so much fun with her and I just have to have PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) when it comes to our relationship. She’s going to be a wonderful person and we are going to be such proud parents. 🙂
Now, I’m more excited and happier to have a girl. We want a baby. Girl or boy, it doesn’t matter as long as he or she is healthy. And baby Light is a healthy baby girl! Too healthy, we think. 🙂
Where: STI Mega Clinic (in SM Megamall)
How much: Php 715.00
When: July 17, 2014 (20 weeks)
Licensed OB: A WOMAN this time. 🙂
Mommy
Congratulations. Gender disappointment is totally normal. I remember finding out with my third that he was a boy. I really thought he was a girl. I wasn’t really disappointed but then again I had a dream a few nights before that he was a boy.
Thanks! I’m glad to have support from fellow mommies about this. 🙂